January 24, 2016

Love is Acceptance

Love is hard.  At first it seems so easy.  Falling in love is easy; but staying in it is harder. I don't mean this to sound like love or relationships are a bad thing, because they're not.  But unlike the stereotypical image of 'romance' and 'love,' long-term relationships require hard work too.  I'm sure part of the problem that people face in making relationships work is the baggage that their partner brings.  I'd say this is such a problem because we're all inclined to believe that 'the one' is absolutely perfect in every way, a kind of 'super human.'  Disney princesses always found their knight in shining armor, true love was always the happy ending of every fairy tale, but neither are accurate representations of real life.  Some of you may roll your eyes at this; obviously fairy tales are just stories and not real life, who could be so stupid to compare them to reality?  But its not so much that we think life is just like fairy tales.  However, a small part of us will always be hopeful that someday we will find our 'soulmates' and everything will turn out fabulously.  We want to remain naive and we want our own stories to be the exceptions to the rule. We think that maybe, just maybe, our love will be different than everyone else's.  Our relationship won't have problems.  Our partner will not come with quirks, sadness, anger, distrust, or bad days. Nobody wants to believe that their potential mate could be simply human.  Because of this colored lens we look through, we refuse to accept anyone who is less than perfect.  In the initial phase of dating this is okay, but as things progress and more flaws are revealed people begin to realize "he isn't perfect." 

But I'm here to say something about this perfection-scope so many people use in looking for a significant other: you aren't perfect either.   Though I'm sure we'd all like to believe that we don't have flaws, that we aren't vain, rough on the edges, or that we have ugly sides too.  Human beings are infinitely-faceted and while this is what makes us unique, it also makes us increasingly complex and more prone to error. 

In any relationship both parties have flaws and baggage, its just part of what makes life interesting.  Yes, these things make love more difficult.  Sometimes they get in the way, sometimes they cause problems.  But in my opinion, its important to find someone whose flaws you can tolerate. Both because you must love them despite their flaws, and because they love you despite yours. Neither of you are perfect.  No, love won't be easy, but if you can accept and work through the rough parts there is so much more waiting. 

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