May 11, 2015

Breaking

When a relationship is ended, we are heartbroken.  But the absence of love and companionship is not the only reason why it feels so miserable.  It is also because of how much of ourselves we poured into the relationship: all of the care and concern, our highest joys and our deepest secrets.  We put so much of ourselves into this thing we called 'love,' because we thought it was important, we thought it was meaningful, and we thought it would last.  Even though we may have emptied ourselves into making it work, what do we have to show for it? A stinking heap of meaninglessness.  None of it did anything, none of it mattered enough to hold the relationship together.  This is heartbreak, and I believe it applies to things besides relationships too.  When all of our labor toward any goal is so complete and it ends so fruitlessly, it is one of the most painful things in the world.

April 06, 2015

Miraculous Improvement

Visiting my cousins yesterday for Easter, made me realize how difficult it must have been for us to learn to do anything.  I don't mean that in a bad way.  For instance, I was trying to help my little cousin learn how to swing.  He told me "I've tried that so many times at school before," and then "but I can swing if you push me."  Even after he insisted that he couldn't pump the swing himself, I tried to convince him to do it, and I tried to demonstrate.  He attempted it a couple of times, and it was almost painful for me to watch how close he was to getting it right.  He had the motions down, but just not the physics.  I eventually resorted to pushing him on the swing instead, but it made me think back to when I was little and how hard it was for me to learn these things. 
I remember being at school, and how the sole purpose of my recess existence was to be able to skip a bar on the monkey bars.  Doing them one by one was hard enough, but skipping one was even harder.  I remember all of the countless times I fell in the dirt, all of the bruises and blisters on my hands from doing them over and over again.  It took me the longest time to get the hang of it. 
Riding a bike was the same way.  It took me so long to learn to ride it without falling over, and I acquired many cuts and scrapes in the process. But eventually, with time and practice, I was able to do it. 
Now, of course, we take these basic things for granted and it is hard to understand how anyone could not know how to do them.  In reality though, our ability to gain these skills is quite miraculous. And now, every grueling step we take toward whatever goal we seek should also be counted as just as amazing.

April 04, 2015

A Glimpse of Time

Looking back on all of the things that happened just a short time ago can sometimes make us realize how naive we were and how silly the choices we made were.  But as the saying goes, hindsight is 20/20.  However, it leaves me wondering how things would have been if none of those things had happened.  What would the result be if someone had died who is still alive now? What kind of a person would I be today if I were still in that relationship?  What if I had not made some of the mistakes that I have made? How would these things have altered the present?

But it is very hard to glimpse the future.  The best we can do is look back and see how certain occurrences have caused certain ripples in the present.  To our present selves, we may look back and think "how could I have not seen the effect that would have?" But are we any less naive now, or ever?  We cannot possibly see all of the threads of our lives and the lives that impact us or where they lead.  All we can do is make the very best of our every situation and appreciate every passing moment of time.  For the clock ticks on, it does not stop for us.

March 04, 2015

Single Serving Chocolate Chip Cookie

Hey everyone! So I've been enjoying this modified recipe for a while but I thought some of you might also!  Its delicious, quick, easy, and not very messy!  When you have a craving for a chocolate chip cookie but you dont want to make 20 of them and waste an hour, this is the perfect solution!
1 tbs butter
2 tbs brown sugar
1/4 tsp vanilla
2 tsp milk
4.5 tbs flour
1/8 tsp baking powder
2-3 drops of vanilla (if mixture is too dry or too thick)
2 tbs chocolate chips
Melt the butter in the microwave (25 secs). Mix brown sugar with butter until smooth, then add first vanilla measurement and milk, mix until homogeneous. Add flour and mix until smooth, then add the baking powder.  If the mixture is too doughy, add only a drop or two of vanilla.  Mix in chocolate chips.  Place the dough on a small plate and shape it into a normal cookie shape.  Microwave for 1 minute.  Be careful if you eat it immediately, it can be quite hot, and it will stay hot for a while!  Enjoy!


February 24, 2015

*IMPORTANT* Scholarship Essay!

Hey everyone!  I know it has been FOREVER since I last posted, and I'm sorry I missed the last three holidays of the year to wish everyone well.  Please accept my apology and kindly accept these three belated greetings: MERRY CHRISTMAS!  HAPPY NEW YEAR!  HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!

Anyway, the real reason I came here to post today was because I'm currently applying for scholarships.  One of the applications required an essay which must be voted on.  The essay contestants with the most popular votes will get the scholarship.  This is super duper important to me, so if you would please spend just a moment voting for my essay, I would be absolutely thrilled.  You can vote for it at the bottom of the essay.

http://www.wyzant.com/scholarships/v5/essay102916-Loveland-CO.aspx

Thank you, and if you voted, thank you even more!

November 22, 2014

Impactful Friends

This thought struck me tonight.  When we finish senior year in May, and we all graduate, it is going to be terribly hard to say goodbye to those who have become my closest friends.  I don't mean to get all sentimental, (I will save that for graduation) but I may never see these people again.  I mean, I really hope I will.  But knowing that over time we all change, I am afraid that our interests will shift and we will no longer be as close. 

Even the idea of going through my life without them terrifies me.  These people who I have known for so long, have literally changed my life.  They have been there through the thick and thin and we have formed a deep connection.  They are like the strings on a guitar.  They have impacted my life so significantly that I fear I will never be the same without them. 

And then I realize, even if we all go seperate ways, if we never see each other again, their actions and friendship will always remain.  The music of the guitar will still linger and the song will be remembered even if the guitar no longer plays.  

In some sense, they never actually leave. 


So as we approach Thanksgiving, I truly want to thank every single one these people whom I have had, and still do have, the privilege to know.  Some of these people have left their mark with only a simple smile, compliment, or kind gesture.  Others who I have made a deeper connection with (whether they know it or not) have changed the course of events in my life, the way I see the world, and so much more.

Thank you!



November 14, 2014

Honesty in Emotion

It is truly depressing that we cannot express ourselves.

If we show too much emotion in public, we are the weirdos and the freaks in society.  Even from a young age I'm sure we all knew there was that one kid in class who would cry at just about everything.  Some of the bolder kids would call him a cry-baby. 

But let me ask you this: what do we find so terrible about expressing our emotions?

Emotions are natural. Shouldn't we be able to express ourselves without fear of rejection? I do not mean to say that we should be allowed to endanger other people's lives by expressing our anger and flipping tables.  But namely sadness.  What is so bad about sadness?  I would say society expects us to maintain a bold, perfect face in life, and only show happiness. Happiness and perfection are the great ideals in life.  But shouldn't it be socially acceptable to be sad? We all feel sad or depressed sometimes.  And I can tell you from experience that bottling it down so that no body can see it is not healthy.  Nor is it honest.  Is it not a blatant lie to smile and say "I'm doing great!" when you are really ready to shatter?

But if we consider it, society expects lies and deceit in other forms too.  We are expected to meet certain standards of beauty.  We are told that if we hide the way we really look that we will somehow be "better".  This is not good or healthy either.

So why, if it is not healthy or honest, do we hide how we really feel? I believe that if we instead chose to be blatantly honest with our friends, family, and relationships, we could avoid a lot of the conflict that happens.   So much confusion is caused by a person who hides their true feelings or who sugar coats a morsel of it so as not to be offensive to others.  In my experience, this has lead to the destruction of friendships which otherwise could have been fixed with pure honesty.